@ I am Abhijit Pandey. I write about seeking truth and witnessing reality. Takes courage on the part of the reader. Stay safe and strong.
I don’t like Fear. The anxiety. The gnawing distress in the stomach. The feeling of controllessness.
When I was a kid, I was scared of many things. Every unknown thing seemed like a danger.
But, was I born like that…? I was told by my parents that when I was 6 months old, I once put my hand in boiling water. I wasn’t scared of the boiling water that time. You see!
When I was 1 year old, I would catch insects, take into my mouth anything colorful, even mud. I wasn’t scared of insects and falling sick. You see!
When I was 2, I once walked (may be on all 4 limbs) to the main road. I was always an escapist like David Blaine. And, I wasn’t afraid of the cars crushing me down. You see!
When I was 3 or 4, I danced in a cinema hall, full of people, when a song came up. I wasn’t afraid of people watching me and judging me. Their reactions didn’t bother me an inch. ‘Cause I was too much involved in what I was doing. You see!
But, that was a short period of time. I was growing up and seeing people around me. They were all full of fears. And I learned everything they showed me. I copied.
My parents were full of fear about my safety. They scolded me and beat me up for all my non-sense. That may have been my initial education about fear. Fear of doing the wrong thing.
And since then, all I saw was people full of fears. People fearful about their children, fearful about their marks, ranks, public image, careers, relationships, losing dear ones, bank balance. Fearful about their respect in the society…!
What is the cause of all these fears…?
You buy an expensive phone that you can barely afford. You put it in a case.
You get into a relationship. Then you become possessive.
You are born. Then you take a life insurance.
Is buying a fragile thing an act of fear..?
Or the desire to protect it, is the beginning of fear…?
I can remember my life only after the age of 4. Nothing before that. But it’s true. I was a fearless explorer before 4. And after 4, my mind had caught hold of only fears of those around me.
I know…. the only way out is to embrace everything that comes. That’s how I want to live. No good. No bad. No this. No that. No discrimination at all. To dance naked under the sky. Fearless.
Every time I have let go of my securities, all my dear possessions. I have become a free man. Less Fearless.
These are years of instilling the fear. Will take years to scratch them out. But the first step has been taken…!
Want to know about your experiences of fear too…. Do drop a comment.